Character Profiles

Character photos taken from the Ellen Wilkinson School production of Moon on a Stick, June 2009.

The Professor

Emeritus Professor of Particle Physics, University of Pootville, New Neptune
A polymath and accomplished funk trumpeter, he is perhaps best known for his controversial Grand Unified Theory of Sand, in which he posits that sand is “much of a muchness” the universe over.
Revered and ridiculed in equal measure by his scientific peers, he now runs a laboratory on a remote outpost planet in the largely abandoned Milky Way galaxy. Here he continues his research into the meaning of sand and smaller particles, aided by his young research assistant Ozrik.

Likes: Science, funk, boogaloo
Dislikes: R&B, seafood

Ozrik

The son of planet-hopping coast-hippies, he spent much of his childhood on beaches, in, on or around sand of one kind or another, mucking around with buckets, spades, and electron microscopes.
Sailed through his Particle Physics SATS, GCSEs and A-Level exams and secured a place at the University of Pootville, New Neptune. Here, a research paper he’d written came to the attention of the Professor, who was so impressed with this formula for agreeable holidaymaking:

¤ + (s?n?) + {c} x ??? ˜?

that he offered the young student a junior Research Assistant job with him.

Likes: Surfing, parties.
Dislikes: Mondays, giant rats.

Malloon (Mal)

Studied at Mitus catering college before joining fast food colossus Momma Moon's as a Trainee Gruntch & Gristle Taster. Having gradually inched his way up the greasy corporate pole over many years and with much hard work he is now Head of Research & Development
Long-suffering and unhappy with his lot, he dreams of leaving the job behind and retiring to a peaceful corner of the universe to farm Henge (orange football-sized ruminants with an excellent milk yield)
Secretly vegetarian.

Likes: Exotic salad leaves, Dostoevsky.
Dislikes: The financial services industry, queue-jumping Venusians.

Jupiter

Joined Momma Moon's on work-experience and quickly impressed with his “can do, shall I do it now?” attitude. With an genuine appetite and enthusiasm for new fast food products, quickly worked his way up to the position of Malloon’s Personal Assistant
Loves his job, tipped as future management material despite being a bit clumsy
Former Junior Unilympic Low-Jumper (before the Low-Jump event was dropped from the Unilympic programme for its lack of spectacle)

Likes: Burgers, fries, nuggets, pizza.
Dislikes: Posh crisps, mint-flavoured chocolate

Corona

Human
Suffers from mysterious headaches and has no memory of her past life
Naturally highly intelligent and well-skilled with a lazoid gun

Likes: Adventure, meeting new people who don’t want to kidnap her
Dislikes: Being chased all the time

Momma Moon

Evil, despotic and quite mad ruler of Momma Moons; the largest and most eclectic fast-food chain in the known universe.
Was a champion 'Venuisan Yak' Rodeo Queen until discovering one Yak could produce 63,000 'Yak-attack burger meals'. The Venusian Yak is presumed extinct.
Known to her closest friends as 'Poker-face Moon'; at the age of 19 she won the deeds to MacDaddy's Meaty Treats in a four-week marathon card game. She promptly re-branded it Momma Moons.

Likes: The colour Blue, Marxist literature.
Dislikes: Vegetarian sausages, the word 'farenheit'.

The Agents: Gordo, Belka and Alan Shepard

Jacks of all trades available for hire. Have an odd job you need doing? Competence, reliability and peace of mind less important to you than price? Then what are you waiting for - give ‘em a bell! Friendly, cheap as chips service, all work considered. Have own rocket-van. The three met queuing for ice-cream at Alton Towers. The queue was so long that by the time they were finally served they had agreed to go into business together, and all the flakes had gone.

Alan Shepard

A robot, still functional though technologically obsolete. The Alan Shepard Android Co who manufactured him have been out of business for millennia, consequently he’s very difficult to get spare parts for, and currently only has one arm. On the plus side his classic droid status does make him very cheap to insure.
One of his still useful and working functions is the telephone built into his head.

Likes: Scouring charity shops and antiques fairs for spare parts.
Dislikes: Nuisance calls.

Belka

Worked on atomic zeppelins as a test pilot until she was sacked for writing off a costly prototype sports-dirigible in the congested skies of Galpatron 6
Once toured the galaxies as a backing singer with rock-uberlegends First Dogs In Space

Likes: Speed and the feel of wind rushing through her hair.
Dislikes: Sunday drivers, speed cameras.

Gordo

A former banker, he retrained as a plumber-cum-secret agent following yet another near apocalyptic collapse of the universal economy
A "veteran" of the Venusian uprisings, from which he ducked out early complaining of astroenteritis

Likes: Collecting amusing rocket-bumper stickers, French cheeses.
Dislikes: Shopping for underwear, working outside his contracted hours.

The Witches

Expelled from 'Hubbley-Bubbly School for Wizards, Witches and Soothsayers' for excessive chatting in class.
Forced to work freelance since the outlawing of Shakespearean Tragedies in the late 23rd Century ensured a drastic dip their in demand.
Have made quite a name for themselves on the pan-galactic home shopping network with sales of their patented 'never-stick-cauldrons'; making tough to scrape off Fenny Snake and Dragon scales a thing of the past!

Like: En-suite bathrooms, far-fetched and heavily exagerated stories.
Dislike: Splinters, Instant mashed potato.

Long Armed Aliens

A peace loving race, whose arms just happen to make a deliciously spicy snack (tastes great in a panini).
Ninety-six-time winners of the Inter-Galaxy Beach Volleyball Championship. Their only defeat occurring thanks to a mysterious team-wide bout of 'tennis-elbow'.
Should they fight off extinction, would like to form a shadow-puppet theatre company where their limb dexterity and artistic flair could bring pleasure to thousands.

Like: Interpretive dance, Ambient Nordic music.
Dislike: Momma Moons, Cinema seats without arm rests.